Thursday, May 9, 2013

Single parenting and away from family? - Talk About Marriage


So I have a nice group of friends, but no one I can all over on days when I'm sick. Like today. Stbx is an ass. I have no idea where he is and when he is coming to see our son, etc. no matter how often I try to work out a schedule for the baby's best interest. Anyway, today, I'm very sick. And I'm by myself. And I realized if I have a medical ER I'm by myself! So I was wondering what are single parents contingency plans? Like I have no family around and the closest friend is a 30 minute drive away. So, how do you work this out? Do you interview baby sitters and have them on speed dial? What do you do in an emergency? I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to see if I my pain is a gallstone thing. And a friend freaked me out about having an attack when it's just me and the baby. Like, what do I do?? What if I cannot call anyone for him and I'm in an emergency? Anyway, sorry it's random. I feel terrible and was thinking I'm kinda on my freaking own!!

You can join a community center group for new parents. And bring up this issues, and work out a plan. Maybe the friend who freaked out can be asked to text you twice a day to check in with you.

Home day care was the best for me. If I was sick my child could stay over there, and if he was sick, i.e. chicken pox, other kids had it and home day care provider would take him anyway (didn't happen much, but it did happen.)

Once I was ill and my downstairs neighbor and home day care provider tag-teamed with my baby. The doctor made a house call with a big black bag. In the bag was a big needle of Compazine...I needed a shot to make me stop throwing up, and to get back on my feet. So even the doctor made a house call. (She was formerly from Hungarian, we live in a rural area, so house call was not all that unusual.)

If your community is not working out for you, find one that does. Because they do exist. It is okay to ask for's not really's building a community. People love babies. And their moms, and typically want to be a part of that. Family is not just a biological thing. You make it from people around you. It doesn't exist because this is all new for you.

But reach out and talk about your concerns with others who can then feel comfortable offering help. You will be surprised!

You can also look for another single mom to connect to and tag team with. On snow days my friend and I used to compete, who could get out the door the quickest to go to work and call the other to leave their kid with them. I always let my friend win ;-) I had a salary job, she worked at a car shop. Her kid was disabled. That b*tch was tenacious...I had to change diaper on a 5 year old and sometimes he would have seizures and could only use one arm. lol. I had another mom friend like this a few years ago...her child had cerebral palsy, she would just call me up when she had to take her other kid to the doctor or clinic. Or was lonely. Or whatever.

Please don't stay silent about your needs among the people you know irl, pretending to have it all figured out. Nobody has it all figured out...people make their own solutions, using what they have... that's the thing about babies and kids, they're not just part of community, they are a stimulus to build new communities, from pre-existing human capacity.

recently I went to a conference and my neighbor took care of my kids. And this summer I'll be out of the country for 5 weeks, and even though my kids will be at camp and then with their dad, I have two friends who are on standby for them, as well as their now-adult sibling and his girlfriend who could pinch-hit in an emergency.

On the legal side, for contingencies, you can get all kinds of forms from or elsewhere on-line, where you can make your contingency plans legal. One thing I did when my eldest was younger, was his home day care provider was on my checking account. So if anything happened to me, she could pay bills, have $ to take care of my son, and pay herself. No issues.

Before I leave the country, I will put my eldest son (22/23) on my checking and savings account. That way, I don't have to worry about the scenario where he has my kids and no money to do what he needs to do for them (or for me.)

It is good to think things through legally and financially for worst case. Also to make sure just on day to day basis you have alternate named for picking up child from any day care, and practice once in a while, to test out contingencies and to reduce stress from what-if worrying.

Last edited by Homemaker_Numero_Uno; Yesterday at 09:17 PM.


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