Sunday, May 6, 2012

Your Breasts Are Trying To Kill You

Right now. All the time. The day you were born, your boobs took one look at you and were like, "Oh, no. No. Absolutely not. Hey, does anyone know where I can get some poison?" Turns out, everywhere! Breasts are largely made up of fatty tissue, and chemicals looooooooooove to accumulate in fatty tissue. Here?s a partial list from Williams: ?paint thinners, dry-cleaning fluids, wood preservatives, toilet deodorizers, cosmetic additives, gasoline by-products, rocket fuel, termite poisons, fungicides, and flame-retardants." So what can you do to keep your chest-sponges safe from marauding chemicals? Nothing, pretty much, short of becoming a trillionaire and taking over literally every drug company and industry on earth. So get on it, concerned citizens! Step one: CoinStar.

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